cant sleep

went to bed at 950 ish and just got right back up again at 1120 having lay there listening to mosquitos fly by my head and not a lot of unconsciousness going on. That places me here thinking that if i use my brain a bit it may stop talking to me while i try to get some shut eye. Right now i have no money in my bank accounts and i feel i should be more worried. Not just the fact there is none but that in 3 months im off to another part of the world for a while. i did just buy another bike which kinda makes me happy. i also just spent 3 hour playing with it to make it just the way i wanted it... mostly. Im happy. Much better than i have felt. more direction for the moment. Im not racing again this year. lets see if i miss it eh. . . . doubt it. I think i was feeling guilty cause i didn't miss it, the racing that is. 5 years of almost the same shizer and then nada, no more, no more desire to do it allll again. OOOO we (me and flat mates) just got evicted essentially, gotta be out in almost 3 weeks. Stink thing is just got a space i really liked. spacious, studio ish in a way and ideally what i wanted, plus cheap.

ok feeling a lil tired now
gona go give it another crack

churchur

pardon

So im sitting infront of the computer trying to think of what to say. I guess im writing that as a way to fill in the uncomfortable silence. I dont think other people read this but i dont keep a diary so this is my closest thing to one. And really im not too bovved. I do enjoy reading old posts and seeing how i was feeling at those few moments that i wrote the words down. How i felt life was treating me then.
Its been a while but iv done a few things since i lost my rudder.
Split my head open a week ago however which was less painful than getting the stitches out today (im sure she was trying to pull the knot end through the hole). Crashed in the weekend at my first DH race in about 3-4 months, landed on my shoulder AGAIN so im actually going to get it looked at by a physio for once in my life. Plus iv never had this many head aches in my life. . . . not that there bad but they are there. So i thought id listen to my body which i think is well overdue cause basically i dont feel like i think i should.

Another arquard silence.


no attempt to fill it.

i think thats all i feel like saying

afloat

A pirate without a sail nor rudder does not go very far. My rudder has gone. I can not find it; it is nowhere to be seen. My sail is hoisted but there is no breeze to assist me from this place. Though I may be drifting slowly I feel as though I am going nowhere, the progress if there is any is somewhat insignificant.

Half full or empty, its my choice

I guess il sum up Racing 2007. Well. . . . where do i start and what can i actually say.
S%^t happens, thats life, its a fact. But if your clever enough hopefully you will learn. In saying that i should be a genius. This year was good and unfortunatly that is both true and a lie. I loved some and loathed some. IF your hearts not in it maybe its better to just walk away (that doesnt go for everying though). philosophical? maybe. But thats where the last 5months has left me. Our team which consistered of only amazing people suffered the dominos effect. I personally rode my bike and did my "job" very very badly. This fueled a catch22 for me and come time to leave for NZ it hadnt come soon enough. Things went right and things went wrong, enthusiasm dwindled but never returned, fun for riding went away and never came back. But i can say it now (only cause im not there any more) im glad it happened

2007= Character building, lifetime friends

Team Video

Here is a video of my race team in pila/italy. I was one of our last days in europe. Starts a little slow but gets going. This is what i did (badly) for 5 months


our team in pila/italy. First little is

green means GOOO (applicable to point5)

I know of 1. . . . oh oh 2 people who look at this sometimes (hi mum & Al). Well i have been lying f0r the last month ishhh. My last post says im in scotland arr but im really back home in the NZ of fan freakin L (NZL). Woo i love home, and that comes from the bottom most scungyest far off reaches of my heart. I looked forward to coming home for some time while stuck in euro land and i was not let down in the least. Here are some things i have learnt since being back
*IRD will never ever ever leave you alone (but i did already know that)
*not wearing socks WILL make your shoes and feet smell
*buying 132 kiwi fruit for $10 is a bargain
*reflux as sooo annoying
*kiwi fruit will keep you very regular and green
*Lauras beetroots will make it red
* I know more people than i thought (yay not a complete loser)
* ALL the people i know are awesome
*Friends and good flatmate make the world go round
*Cats aren't THAT bad
*Mums and Dads get better as you get older
*If you dont use your brain for 5 months . . .. sorry forgot what i as going to say.

Thats just the tip of the iceberg, im a whole lot cleverer now

ooo ai

SOO im in scotland like.
nice place
much like home really
having a ripper of a time (well kaytee my roomie is(personal joke))

Yip i was bored so i read over some of my last posts
Golly gee even i find it hard to read my writing
I blame the last 4 1/2 months where my brain has been dormant
And my theory that i was dropped as a baby
Ahh well
lifes pretty good really
gotta love it
home soon
F%$K YEA!!!!
giggles and glee